Old News: Brett Favre May Not Retire…

So Brett Favre is considering NOT retiring….AGAIN…Why? Why is he doin’ this? I mean, it must be nice livin’ in Mississippi where obviously there’s a bubble over the entire state that shields reclusive, Wrangler Jeans-wearin’ farmers from reality….What? No? It doesn’t cover the entire state? Oh, ok. So, just Brett Favre’s farm. Gotcha.

Evidently, Favre climbs off his tractor, goes inside and picks up the receiver from his rotary phone to talk to his agent, Bus Cook. Cook has a website and the first line on that site says quote: “Loyalty is one of Favre’s most endearing traits.” :-l Um…does ANYONE believe that about Brett Favre these days? Might be time for a redesign, Mr. Cook.

Now, I don’t believe Favre is a dumbass. I don’t believe you can be as successful as he has been at the quarterback position in the NFL for as many years as he has and still be a retard. What I do believe is this agent of his tells him what decisions to make and if he listens, his family won’t havta worry about money for generations to come. Who can blame Favre for that? A good person would put their family before their career, right? But why Minnesota?

People in the media are pitchin’ the revenge angle, and I gotta say, it seems more believable than the “itch to play” angle or the “I want another superbowl before I hang ’em up” angle. Mr. Favre, would you step outside the bubble with me for one minute, please? Thanks. Oh and watch your step…Reality can be very, very slick, and with all that bullshit on your boots, I’d hate for you to slip and fall flat on your face.

Now listen to me. Playin’ for the Vikings is career suicide. You’re outta shape because you haven’t been workin’ out. You WILL havta attend all camps and OTAs unlike what you were able to get away with last year in NY. You didn’t get surgery done on a biceps tendon on your throwing arm. This is the same injury that caused you and your team to go into a losing tailspin at the end of last season effectively ruinin’ your chance at the playoffs in a weak, Brady-less division. You’ll be enterin’ into a situation where if you don’t win the Superbowl, the season’s for nothing and again you’ll be criticized for your decision to not retire. And, worst of all, you’re considerin’ goin’ from bein’ a Packer legend to playin’ for arguably their most hated rival. And for what? To maybe outgun Aaron Rogers a couple times next year? I asked a die-hard Packers fan at work what he thought of the move, and he flat out told me that the color purple seriously makes him sick to his stomach. I jokingly asked if he meant the movie or the actual color, and he said: “the Minnesota Vikings.” Seriously, this move will kill your status with Green Bay Packer fans. Maybe this doesn’t mean much to you, but in my opinion, to someone as “loyal” as you are, I really think it should.

Vikings fans, I know a 40-year-old Brett Favre throwin’ blidfolded and left handed is better than any other option you have at quarterback, but here’s just one good reason why you should run him outta town before he signs. Your team has carefully been saving cap for a few years now. Why? Well, I just did some quick research and found that Pat Williams, Kevin Williams, Jared Allen, Bernard Berrian, Steve Hutchinson and Adrian Peterson will all be at the end of their contracts OR lookin’ to re-up within 1 year of each other. Your Vikings are preparing for this. They’re around $18 million under the cap right now….and they may be lookin’ to pay Favre $10 million+ to play for one season with a revenge motive….let that sink in. If the Vikings pay Favre, they WILL LOSE good players down the road for it. I say save that money and try to trade up in a franchise quarterback-heavy draft next year. Sorry for my long rant, but Brett…It’s time, buddy..W

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One Response to “Old News: Brett Favre May Not Retire…”

  1. Nicely done Cory. I actually wrote one this morning without looking at the site. Here’s mine.

    A team that I care nothing about is going to sign a player that I care nothing about. At this point, it’s inevitable. Maybe it’ll be in days, maybe weeks, maybe months, but once Brett Favre has milked every bit of publicity he can out of it, he’ll put his Herbie Hancock on the dotted line for the Vikings. It’s like sex with Kobe Bryant. Kick and scream all you want, at the end of the day, someone gets fucked.

    Who gets fucked here though? That’s the question. It is my personal opinion that Favre and Bus have a deal with Packers under the table. This cloak and dagger deal allows Brett to wreak havoc on opposing rivals and their cap space. Hey, it’s a theory.

    Vikes fans have likely hated Favre for their entire lives. Now you’re supposed to love him and buy his “everyman” fake persona bullshit? He’s an evil genius. Say what you want about guys like Leinart and Cutler. At least they let the world know they are really douchebags without trying to pump up this “good ole boy” image. If I am a Vikes fan, I can’t just start loving Brett Favre. Well, given the alternatives the Vikes have under center, maybe I could.

    I firmly believe that a guy should be able to play as long as he wants. I mean, even if you suck, it’s still a kick ass job with top notch pay. It’s just that I have a hard time believing Favre actually even wanted to retire this time. He wanted to play for the Vikes all along. The Packers blocked that power play, so Favre gives them the ultimate “fuck you” by manipulating the Jets and (likely) signing with the Vikes. This makes him a cock sucker.

    Signing Favre will only serve as the end of the line for Childress. Favre’s not some missing piece of a championship puzzle for Minnesota. But look at it from the Vikes viewpoint. You can either roll with Tavaris, who is only acceptable if there is nothing real to play for, or Rosenfels, who averages an INT for every TWENTY pass attempts. Yeah, maybe Favre is not such a bad idea after all.

    So Vikes fans, here you have it. You may now be forced to cheer for someone you’ve hated passionately your entire lives. I hope he fucks you in the end.

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